early labor
On Sunday night, I thought I felt like my water was leaking, but it wasn’t enough to be sure and eventually I dismissed it as just extra fluids. – I was making homemade pizzas and burnt my arm on the oven. It left a mark for about a week and reminded me of how quickly everything changed. – Then I started feeling subtle cramps and thought – are these contractions? They were much less intense than the Braxton Hicks I had been feeling and I wasn’t sure. But I started timing them anyway around 10 pm and was experiencing a contraction pretty consistently every 8 minutes. I was eager and nervous – this could be what we’ve been waiting for! There was still time to prepare, waiting for an hour of 5 minutes apart. So, I managed the pain as best I could, and tried to relax with Fidel. It was hard. Eventually I fell asleep around 4 am for a few hours, with less consistent timing. When I woke up, things felt less intense and eventually slowed down. Maybe not today. I continued tracking throughout the day, with things picking up later in the evening. The timing was inconsistent but I was really struggling with the pain. I kept going into the shower for relief. By the end of the night, at the recommendation of Fidel, I called the hospital’s on-call physician to see if they had any advice or if I just needed to continue waiting for the 5-1-1 to come in. They said to wait, and that I would be “breathing through” each contraction when I came in. So, I tried to rest and relax as best I could. I would sway and move which helped at the beginning. I would rest my arms on the crib and lean my body weight back. If I laid down on my side and then moved during a contraction, the pain was excruciating. It got to the point of making me vomit. I had barely eaten anything.
Tuesday
By early Tuesday morning of another sleepless night, I was swaying at the foot of our bed and in so much pain, I told Fidel “I don’t think I can do this.” It was so hard. I texted Mom and she said I should go in. I was still taking my time, waiting for the contractions to get closer together but started to wake up Fidel and get ready. I threw up again before we left, ruining the pants I was wearing. And then once we were in the car the pain diminished and it seemed like everything slowed down.
The drive to the hospital was surreal. Everything was going to change (unless they sent me home, which I was still worried was a possibility). It was drizzling and calm while Fidel and I tried to process that there would be three of us so soon.
We made it to the hospital but needed to ask for directions of where to go since we didn’t take the tour. We probably were walking around for 5-10 minutes before we got to the triage room. And my contractions seemed to almost disappear. I was grateful for when they would come as a reminder that this really could be happening. Everything was slow, there was no rush as I told people “I think I’m in labor” to get to where we needed. And eventually a nurse came in to the triage room to check on me. She did a cervical exam and was really getting in there and all of the sudden I felt a gush of fluid – my water had broken. She was surprised that I was 6-7 cm dilated and immediately switched from “you’re probably still in early labor, but we probably won’t send you home” to “this baby is coming”. The nurses were surprised by how stoic I was for being so far along. But, they quickly wheeled me to a delivery room, with Fidel following along with my clothes and all the paperwork he had been given at checkin. I was hooked up to an IV and the antibiotics to treat the group B strep that I carried. The nurse told me they prefer to have at least 4 hours of antibiotics before delivery, but we probably had enough time. I had no clue the timeline would be that short – I was still expecting to have a long ways to go before meeting our son. I also was able to get an epidural in place within half an hour. The nurse I had spoken to on the phone the night before was there and told me I could do it without the epidural, but that had been my goal, the checkpoint I was dreaming about during the painful contractions the night and day before. “Just get to the hospital and you can get the epidural” I kept telling myself. It was much less painful than I expected, just a strange feeling. I was grateful for the kind nurses and anesthesiologist. And Fidel was right there holding my hand as I was shaking. Then, sweet relief and relaxation. It was strange to not have control to lift my legs – my left leg was more numb, but I had some motion in my right. But then I was able to relax and wait until it was time.
The only call doctor was Dr. Gathers, the only OB I had seen during my few weeks in Indiana. She was on until 5 pm and hopeful that she would be able to deliver my baby. I was in shock that I would meet him by the end of the day. Fidel kept my family updated and from around 12 until 4, we were just waiting. Fidel filled out paperwork, I relaxed, and the occasional nurse visit checked in on us. Our nurse was Heidi, she was warm and wonderful. Around 4 they gave me some pitocin to help speed things up for the 5 pm shift change. And after around 4:30 I could feel the pressure of baby’s head and it was time to start pushing. I realized I had no idea what to do at this point, but Heidi coached me through it. Fidel held one leg, Heidi held the other, and I was able to do it. Apparently there was another mom also close to delivering, but just slightly behind me. So it was a busy time at the little hospital. I could feel baby getting closer and closer with each round of pushing. They told me he has a full head of hair – Fidel looked, I touched and was in awe. A tiny human, ready to come out. Soon enough, Dr. Gathers was called in to see my progress and then a flood of nurses were ready to help the final push. With a few final pushes his head was out and then the rest followed. The room was filled with a loud cry and he was plopped on my chest, a slimy, screaming bundle. So much bigger and more alive than I ever pictured. I was in love. Fidel was right beside me and I just kept looking from Fidel to our son, teary eyed. I was so relieved to have him in my arms, strong and healthy. I could see Fidel’s phone in one of the nurses hands – he told me he was too in the moment to even think about taking pictures or videos, but I am so grateful the nurse took some.
I could feel the umbilical cord on me and my placenta was out almost immediately. Everything was so much more fast and sudden than I expected. Until they took baby to the side of the room to weigh him and check his health. Then it felt like forever, I wanted him back to me.
He still had yet to be named. We had ideas, but knew we could wait until after we saw him. And soon enough we decided. Finn Everett Carrera. It was a name that we compiled from the list of ideas a few weeks ago. A full name we put together that we liked, but then a couple days after Fidel said “I’m not sure about Finn”. But once we saw him, we knew it would work. And so our baby now was in our arms with a full name.
The first part of the night is somewhat of a blur. Me and Fidel and Finn. I was stitched up and gradually disconnected from all the tubes and monitors. The nurse on night shift – Holli I think – was so sweet and calm. She gave me medicine, helped me to my first bathroom trip, and I was able to change into a more comfortable robe, with easier access for breastfeeding. They checked on us pretty often that first night, occasionally taking Finn for extra tests. Because of my gestational diabetes they had to check his blood sugars before I fed him to make sure he wasn’t low. I felt so bad for him having to have extra pokes and prodding. But he was perfect.
His bassinet was kept right at my bedside and all I wanted to do was watch him. But I also needed sleep. Fidel was so good at holding him and rocking him to sleep. The hospital at night was so quiet and peaceful. We were in a quiet little bubble.
Wednesday
In the morning, we had more visits from a pediatrician and new nurses. Then a knock on the door and in comes my mom and James. My mom was instantly crying and came to me, then to Finn. It was so nice to have them there – it felt comfortable. And my mom just wanted to hold Finn the whole time. Which gave Fidel a chance to get some much needed rest. At one point, I was holding Finn on my bed with my mom next to me and Fidel sleeping on the pullout bed to my left, snoring softly. If you looked at Finn you would think he was the one responsible for the noise. They stayed all day, taking a break to grab coffees. The lactation consultant came by and was amazingly helpful – I was worried I would be critiqued, but she explained everything in a way that made sense and to just try to relate to and understand the baby’s needs. Fidel listened closely and helped me utilize her advice later.
After dinner my mom and James headed out, but not before mom took lots of pictures. I’m so grateful for the first pictures of Finn, Fidel, and I together.
And then it was another night shift. Our same nurse was back and this time with less frequent visits. I was able to curl up in my bed while Fidel took the lead taking care of Finn. He set up his laptop to watch a show and hold Finn in a rocking chair. As I was half asleep I could hear him talking to the nurse about what times she would be coming in and what they were checking on. It was absolutely the most peaceful night. I can’t describe it well, but I felt so well taken care of. Finn and I had lots of snuggles.
Thursday
Thursday began with Finn and I waking up from a good nap and a doctor coming in soon after to check on us. Finn would be getting his circumcision today and then we would be heading home! They took him away for the procedure and then afterwards he was extra sleepy. The lactation consultant came by again and was again very helpful answering all my questions and sharing her advice. She wanted to check Finn’s latch and realized that my milk was coming in strong and was more than he could handle, so he was probably extra fussy from gas. He would catch up soon.
We took care of some paperwork and then it was time to go. We packed our bags, got Finn dressed up in his first outfit, and eventually got Finn all buckled into his car seat that we had not practiced before. He was not a fan at first, but shortly into the car ride he fell fast asleep. Fidel drove extra careful as I sat in the backseat, watching Finn.
And then we were home. No one else was at the house, so we were able to enjoy our first night as a family of three without any outside visitors. The hospital gave us a DoorDash gift card as an apology for dealing with alarms the day before, so we treated ourselves. We ended up with burritos almost as big as Finn. I started eating mine, Finn started to fuss, so Fidel tried to console him as I ate as fast as I could and then took over so that Fidel could take his turn to eat. We realized this could be a common occurrence, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Friday
We had an early morning pediatrician appointment so it felt like we barely had anytime to relax at home before Finn was checked up on again. Overnight, Fidel got peed on. In the morning as I was getting Finn ready, I got peed on, and when Finn was at the pediatrician’s office getting measured, he peed through his diaper. But, we were able to bring our tired selves to the appointment and were happy with the doctor that Fidel chose. Finn was looking good, but they wanted us to come back in a week to check on his weight progress since the hospital records hadn’t transferred. It took an hour getting ready for a quick 15 minute appointment, but it was good practice to take Finn (and me) out on a trip. And soon we were back home.
